where to go from here?

so here I am... blogging... must be bored?!

I went to the docs yesterday for a chat and discussed what was going on with me and she goes... 'where do we go from here?' and I am thinking ... 'well don't ask me, you're the doctor?' but instead I shrug, my shoulders drooping a little more, sigh and try to look like I will know the answer to that question very very soon but not as soon as the length of the consultation. Granted I am sure looking from her side... mid-twenties?G.P. standing in for the holidays... I must look slightly pathetic? I only made the appointment because THEY asked me to before writing another prescription for tablets which I sometimes take religiously and other times I don't.

So there I was... unshaven for 4 days, bleary eyed from sleep patterns resembling an alien and looking for all purposes the washed up, depressed (and depressing) waste of space that I am, got to keep appearances up! and I have no idea why I am sat facing the doc, well of course I KNOW why but not really what for? and so, hopefully!! writing this will help me to move on and up (why always up :( ... it's a long way to fall)... she asked some unusual questions about the why I feel as i do... and I tried to fill her in with selected bad episodes from my world... oh the joys!!

The doc asked me to lists... and I have become adept at using bullet points lately so here's my list for today...

• go for a walk
• wash myself (although I have already showered 4 times in the last week!)
• eat some food
• phone dentists to see if my teeth are back ( yes, another small thing to make me feel a complete loser... dentures :( )
• drink till i sink

and that was all I want to say about that... 'scrip wrote but I am thinking I won't bother cashing it in this time and see how things (things being me) go. wish me luck!

I was told today that staying in my room is 'vegetating' and the question I asked is what else is there? I had already been out for a walk along the prom, had some breakfast... even cleaned my failing molars, small steps in a big world! and then... there's THINGS I could do to fill the day... but really they are just things, nothings... the constant going round chasing ones tail until the day is done... because 'it's good for you'... good. GOOD?! good to do things you know to be pointless and for life to have NO meaning and to exist in a world that is full of absolutely NOTHING.

anyways... as this is the first blog I will end there.

be happy x